HOME Eclectic	Bill Maher's advice to Dubya PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President. Ambrose Bierce - "The Devil's Dictionary" Bill Maher is one of my favorite TV personalities. Some time ago I found this piece attributed to him which I republish below. Now, don't get me wrong: I like President Bush. I think that he is a very personable guy, which is also why he is such a huge favorite of some comedians, as you can see from the video below, but, alas, he is not necessarily the best commander in chief this country could afford, to put it rather mildly.   Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend- you used up all of that. You can't start another war because you used up the Army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's speaking to you: Mission accomplished. Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man? Now, I know what you're saying. There're so many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote. But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly! I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes. On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So, yes, God does speak to you. What He is saying is, 'Take a hint.'   Bill Maher has recently published a book, New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer. As his big fan of many years and a libertarian just like him, I did read it and enjoyed it thoroughly.
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